Can you believe that Vivian is already two months old? Today in fact. Astounding.

Oh this baby...my heart...

So much has happened since my 4 weeks postpartum post and one of the most exciting things is that I’ve been offered a book deal! That’s right – I’ll be writing Backyard Farming on an Acre (or Less) and the book is due the first of May. You can follow along with my progress on the book at the facebook page Backyard Farming.

Those rolls....

Vivian is growing. She’s added side rolls to her thigh rolls now.

Those eyes....

She’s well over ten pounds now and has outgrown the clothes marked “newborn”. The nerve of her.

Quick snap with my phone on the way to our first date night! Woohoo!

Meanwhile I am back in one of my favorite pairs of jeans but inches away from my other pair. So this week I began working out again using a couple different postpartum fitness programs. I try to alternative a yoga/core-strengthening type program with a more aerobic workout so I’m not overdoing it.

I know exactly how you feel! I love those jeans!

As proud as I am of Vivian’s fat rolls, I am equally not proud of my own.

Those eyelashes.....

Oh my – isn’t she delicious? Two months old…unbelievable.

Photo credit to Horia Varlan of Flickr Creative Commons

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2006, 70% of mothers worked outside the home. Are they actually costing the family money?

The median salary for women in the United States, in full-time, all-year jobs, is $28,000, according to the 2000 census. Of course, many women make more than this, depending on their career. The median salary for men in the United States, in full-time, all-year jobs is $38,000. On average, a two-income home in the United States earns $66,000. Yet what are the hidden costs of the second income?

Working Moms and Child Care

When a mother holds a job outside the home, the primary concern is child care. According to Cost Helper, the average cost of childcare in the United States is $611 per child per month, or $7,332 per child per year. There are many variables in considering the cost of child care. Of course the first consideration is the safety and well-being of the child. All families are willing to pay a premium for quality childcare.

Whether the family prefers a daycare home or a day care center also affects the cost of childcare. Other factors are distance from home and work, hours of operation, and ratio of staff to child. Nevertheless, out of the average mother’s salary, between taxes and childcare, she loses $11,932.50 off the top. It is much more if there are more children.

Working Moms Need a Second Car

A second income usually means a second vehicle. The 2004 Bureau of Labor statistics regarding automobile expenses are astounding. The average annual vehicle purchase costs, which do not include finance charges, are $3,397/year. The annual finance charges on vehicle loans are $323/year. Gasoline, motor oil, annual maintenance and repair expenses come to $2,250 per year.

Average annual car insurance expenses come to $964 per year, and additional licenses and other fees can come to as much as $426/year. This works out to a cost of $7,360 every year for a mother to own a car to work outside the home. Added to the $4,412 in taxes, and $7,332 childcare costs, she is now spending $19,292 to hold a full-time job.

Working Moms Commute, Too!

Another cost of working is commuting. If a woman lives 20 miles from her place of employment, and the cost of commuting is $.25/mile times a 40 mile round trip, that is $10 per day. If she makes that trip 5 days per week, for 50 weeks out of the year, she could spend as much as $2,500 a year.

The Hidden Costs of Being a Working Mom

Many jobs require a specific wardrobe, and on average, clothing costs for working women is $100/month, or $1,200 per year. More hidden costs include eating out, convenience foods at home, office gifts or professional fees. According to Pre-K Smarties, these hidden costs can add up to $1,500 every year.

When the $19,292 per year for taxes, childcare expenses and transportation expenses are added to commuting costs, wardrobe and other hidden costs, the total cost of a woman working outside the home could be as much as $24,492! That leaves $3,508 PER YEAR profit for a working mother!!!

Working Moms May be Paying to Work

Based on the aforementioned annual averages of $28,000/year for women and $38,000 for men, the average household brings in $66,000 gross per year. After subtracting the previously mentioned expenses, totaling $41,514 (remember, most expenses will be double if there are two jobs), the total household income, with both parents working, is $24,486.

If the lesser income is forfeited, there is a tax savings, and childcare, commuting, wardrobe, transportation and other hidden expenses are eliminated from the household budget. This works out to a net family income, with only the male working, of $21,028.

The difference of one income versus two incomes is only $3,458, if the couple has only one child in daycare. Divide this out based on a 40 hour work week, and the woman’s hourly salary is $1.66. In addition, if the couple has two children in daycare, the second job not only does not add to the family income but it actually has a huge negative impact! The family will have $3,874 less income per year – in effect, paying to have a job! With a mother staying at home, she is also in a position to implement previously impossible cost cutting measures, not to mention the benefits to the children and family of having mother there every day.

Obviously, these averages will vary from state to state, job to job, and family circumstances. Nevertheless, it is certainly worth looking at the numbers to be certain a second income is really beneficial.

Sources:

The Money Alert

Cost Helper

2004 Bureau of Labor Statistics

Pre-K Smarties

“I wanted my boyfriend to wear the shirt I gave him last Christmas but his mom insists on him wearing the polo that she bought for him”

“I came home one afternoon and found my mother-in-law on her knees, furiously scrubbing the bathroom floor. I just finished cleaning it up earlier that day.”

“My husband’s not feeling well and I wanted to bring him to the doctor for a check-up. His mom says there’s no need for it because she’s already given him some herbal medicines she herself had concocted.”

We’ve all heard of those horror stories about girlfriends, brides, and wives going crazy because of their mothers-in-law. Though this may not be the case for all women, most of us have felt, in one way or another, the need to live up to their so-called “perfect” standards in caring for their “baby boys.” After all, they were the first women in their lives and, definitely, they probably know their sons well enough after years and years of caring for them.

But as you and your guy continue to level up in your relationship, ultimately deciding to spend the rest of your life with each other, this issue cannot just be ignored. As small as this concern may initially be, leaving it uncared for may lead to unnecessary rifts between family members.

So what should you do then? Here are a few simple tips to make it a “happily ever after” for you, your husband, and your new mom.

1. Acknowledge that what your mother-in-law is feeling is pretty normal.

She carried your husband in her womb for more or less nine months, rocked him gently on sleepless nights, and loved him dearly from Day One, so it’s pretty much normal for her to be protective of him (sometimes extremely) and care for his welfare at all times. Try to imagine yourself in her shoes, thinking about how much you love your own children and you’ll understand how she might be feeling. If you don’t have kids of your own yet, remember how doting your parents have been to you and you’ll get the picture.

2. Establish you and your husband’s own standards for managing your own household.

You and your husband grew up in two different homes, with different cultures, practices, and traditions. The moment the two of you decide to get married, on top of planning for your wedding, start listing down the new set of rules you’ll be having for your new home and family. Doing so will show not only his mother, but all of your parents that you are responsible adults who are capable of managing your own household and that there is very little, if any, need for any of them to implement their own practices.

3. Do your part.

Once you and your husband have formulated your own house rules and your corresponding respective duties and responsibilities to meet those goals, make sure that you do your part and perform all of those in timely fashion. This is very important, particularly for the “basics” of being a wife – cooking, cleaning, caring for your husband and the kids, because these are the simplest and yet the most noticeable ones.  Show your mother-in-law that her son made the right choice in marrying you and that she has no reason to worry.

4. Be polite at all times.

No woman (or man!) feels comfortable being made to look incompetent inside her own home. No matter how bad your mother-in-law makes you feel, consciously or unconsciously, always be polite. NEVER EVER be rude or raise your voice at her. It will only make matters worse and tell a lot about your character, and even how your parents raised you (and she can just as easily imagine how you treat her son and raise her grandchildren!). Keep your calm, ask to be excused if you feel the need to, and walk away quietly to cool things down.

5. Befriend you mother-in-law.

Every mother has this fear of being replaced as the Number One Woman in her son’s life. Make it clear that you do not intend to do so by befriending her and treating her not just as “your husband’s mom” but as your mother too. Consult her for some housekeeping tips. Work together on a project for your home. Ask her to share some of their family’s well-loved recipes. This will make her feel that you don’t plan on taking her place in her son’s life but serve as a complement.

6. Agree to differ.

No matter how hard you work on it, there will always be things that you and your mother-in-law won’t agree on, for one reason or another. Accept these and move on. No different from you and your husband, your own parents, or even friends not agreeing on some things at certain times. Varying views and opinions are what make the world a colorful place to live in, so just enjoy them.

Photo Credit: valencia84, Flickr

Dad and Timmy - Love through the generations.

Our family had it’s first post-Christmas gathering to celebrate the January birthdays. Yes, we are one of those families. The kind of family that only needs one good reason to get together before we gather from all corners of the state.

And yesterday we had three.

Heather opening gifts on the couch.

This January marked not only my nephew Timothy’s second birthday, but my dad’s 60th birthday, and my sister Heather’s Sweet Sixteen. So before we even finished Christmas, we planned a weekend in January when we’d all be available to get-together.

We didn’t do anything special or expensive. Crazy or outrageous.

We ate cheesecake and apple pie. We watched football. We spent time together. As a family.

For us, the best part of getting together wasn’t the birthday presents, although of course we had those. The best part of getting together was catching up.

Brianna and Uncle Tony (Tamara's husband)

Pushing pause on the stress of the real world and reconnecting. There are so many things you remember and enjoy with family that can’t be communicated over text messages and Facebook posts.

First we just hung out over a late lunch and playing outside. With 7 grandchildren in the 7-and-under range there’s always fun and excitement. I have 5 kids now and my sister, Tamara, has two. Samantha and Brianna are best buddies.

Samantha’s daddy took Brianna around the block on Papa’s motorcycle and we heard about how fun that was for hours afterwards. Such a big grin! The cold weather didn’t stop her!

Then we chatted. About opportunities I’ve had recently, the property we looked at last week, my sister’s house back for rent again, my other sister’s pending trip to Ecuador to serve at a mission there….all the things that are better shared face to face when we can commiserate, encourage and laugh.

My dad with Vivian - the newest grandbaby.

Birthday cake was cheesecake and apple pie – the favorites of the birthday honorees. Sometimes breaking from tradition is more fun, right?

It was a special birthday celebration for us to be able to celebrate three generations at one time. But what made it special was being together.

How do you like to celebrate birthdays and family get-togethers? 

This post was written as a compensated part of the Hallmark Life is a Special Occasion campaign but all opinions and photos are mine. 

ADHD in children is becoming more and more commonly diagnosed. While I have my own ideas as to why this is happening, I also know that we as parents are going to have to be the ones to step up and help our children instead of relying on prescribed medications that can cause more harm than good. With advice and help from other parents with ADHD children, we can take comfort in knowing that together we can keep our kids healthy, happy, and focused at home and at school.

ADHD Diet for Children (and Adults)

After a lot of trial and error, I found that a diet low in sugar is a must. Of course, most ADHD parents know this already, but do you know that sugar substitutes and carbohydrates can trigger ADHD, too? I found this out one day when we were running late and I didn’t have time to fix lunch. Instead, I handed my child a bag of “Goldfish” and promised to make him tacos when we returned home.

About an hour after he finished his bag of “Goldfish,” he began to bounce off the walls. I tried talking to him, but he couldn’t focus long enough to realize what I was saying. I tried explaining to him that he was not sitting quietly, but he thought he was being perfectly still and quiet and that I was crazy.

After some research, I put two and two together and realized that carbohydrates had caused the ADHD reaction. Now if I give him a carbohydrate, I am sure to balance it with a protein. I do my best to make sure he has protein with at least two of his meals each day.

ADHD Diet Plan

Here is a simple diet plan that I use with my child. I don’t stick to it perfectly, but it does give me a guide.

Breakfast:

• 1 whole egg (try to get the freshest eggs possible with the least hormones and additives)
• 1 piece of toast with butter or two pieces of bread for a sandwich

or,

• 2 pieces of bacon or 1 sausage patty
• 2 small biscuits

Lunch:

• 4 thin slices of ham, fried with non-stick cooking spray
• 1/2 pita pocket
• 1/2 teaspoon of mustard or mayonnaise

or,

• 1/2 chicken breast, cooked in chicken broth and seasoned with seasoning salt
• 1 cup macaroni and cheese
• 1/2 cup green beans or other veggie

Dinner:

• 1 pork chop (try to find a butcher who has meat without hormones added)
• 1/2 cup corn or 1 corn on the cob with small pat of butter
• 1/2 cup cooked carrots

or,

• taco seasoned beef
• 2 taco shells
• 2 tablespoons of shredded cheddar cheese
• 1 teaspoon of sour cream
• lettuce
• tomatoes

Snack:

•  1/2 Granny Smith apple
• 2 tablespoons of peanut butter

I am still learning each and every day. I thank the good Lord above for other parents of ADHD children who are willing to share their information with me. I will continue to learn new things and will do my best to pass them along to you. I am also looking for a food journal to keep track of his daily food intake. If anyone knows where I can find one, please let me know.

When a friend of mine gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl, she was all smiles until her little one began to have red spots pop up all over her skin. The spots were followed by itching, crying, and a lot of stress. Spending more time in a doctor’s office than at home proved there was no cure for eczema to be found — or was there? After dozens of doctors appointments and thousands of dollars later, has she found an eczema treatment to answer her prayers?

The History of Noxzema

Invented by Dr. Francis J. Townsend, Noxzema was first prescribed by him for sunburn relief and was commonly called “no-eczema.” As the demand for Noxzema began to grow, Dr. Townsend turned over the formula to another doctor, Dr. George Bunting, who marketed it as a sunburn remedy.

Nowadays, we can find the Noxzema brand name on everything from shaving cream to make-up removers. Will this old product have a new use to add to its already long list of uses?

Eczema Relief

My friend’s daughter, who is almost 16-months old, has been suffering from eczema most of her life. Her skin was covered from head to toe with the condition, and no doctor-prescribed medications including steroids would work. So, as mothers do, she set out on a journey to find something - anything - that could help her daughter.

After many sleepless nights and buckets of tears, my friend began to search the Internet. Upon finding Noxzema’s commonly called name, “no-eczema,” she figured she had nothing to lose but the few dollars it would take to purchase a jar.

This is how she used the Noxzema:

• rub onto the skin three times a day just like lotion.
• wait for the results.

That was all she did, and after just one week, nearly all signs of eczema had disappeared. Is it too good to be true? We’ll, the way she figures it is that even if it only works a few months, it is better than no relief at all. If you are afraid to try something new on your child, test the Noxzema on a small patch of skin for several days first.

Noxzema Ingredients

While there are several ingredients that make up Noxzema, some of the main ingredients are linseed, eucalyptus, menthol, and camphor.

Whether Noxzema will be marketed in the future as an eczema remedy or not is yet to be seen. Maybe this is just the start of a whole new product. Only the future will tell.

My husband and I had been together for eight years of before we got married in 2010. We met when we were both college freshmen and have been inseparable since then. Over the years, we had our share of differences, given of course that he’s a boy and I’m a girl and we were raised by two different families on the opposite ends of the Philippine archipelago. Still, on a closer look, we found out that we also have a lot of common traits, tastes, and preferences, our love for books and pets topping this list. Indeed, we are what you can call “Married Best Friends.”

But life in a household of best friends isn’t always perfect. A bit far from it, if you ask me. While we may share our laughters and endless conversations about the things we both like and we agree upon, we also scream our hearts out in anger or pour out our own buckets of tears with sadness whenever our views and opinions clash. And those are times when personally, I feel that my “best friend” is not actually the best company at the moment.

The Pros and the Perks

Having your husband as your best friend can have its advantages. What could be better than having him as that friend you can always count on to listen to all your stories – the good and the bad? You get to share your most intimate secrets with your best friend and he can also count on you to listen to his. This is perhaps the epitome of those sweet words you’ve exchanged at the altar – for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. Indeed, you and your husband were bound to be the best of friends for life.

The Cons… the Downside

So your husband is your best friend. That’s really nice. But realistically speaking, a “best” friend, like all any other types of friends, is not a “perfect” friend. You still are two different human beings living together as husband and wife, with your individual sets of beliefs, values, personalities, and moods. While it is perfectly OK to want your husband to be there for you, it is wrong to demand. There may be times when he’s having his own problems at work or fighting his own battles in his mind that forcing him to be the best friend might not be such a terrific idea. And so you fight with your best friend. Now this situation poses a question: Who will be the supportive best friend for me when I get into a fight with my husband? And of course you have those girly quirks that he will never understand… What to do… what to do…

Having your husband as your best friend may not be a picture-perfect scenario but you can make it work for you, so long as you master the art of respecting your individual differences and limitations. Even a girl best friend can have her own mood swings too and sometimes you also end up arguing.  Sometimes, it’s just a matter of timing. And of course, lots and lots of love!

*Original photo by the author

It has been a fun year of virtual travel through books. I’ve been to Afghanistan, China and France during the period of my own lifetime. I’ve been in the Caribbean around the turn of the 20th century. I spent several centuries in Russia, and I am currently reading “Out Stealing Horses” set in eastern Norway around the end of the 20th century. But perhaps the most signigicant of my journeys was through the Holy Land via The New Testament.

It was a 2011 goal of mine to read the New Testament in it’s entirety. That is not a new endeavor for me – I’ve read it many times. Scripture is amazing because it always has something new to offer, regardless of the number of times through.

Some quirky things I noticed about The New Testament this year:

** It is twice mentioned to not braid our hair. I wonder why? (1 Timothy 2:9; 1 Peter 3:3)
** The number of Wise Men is not specified. (Matthew 2:1)
** The Wise Men were not at the manger. (Matthew 2:11)
** If someone calls you “Jezebel,” it probably is not a compliment…

Some things for me to ponder in my heart:

**Christ was oh so patient.
** Christ was oh so non-judgemental.
** Christ was oh so serving.

What does all of this mean for me and 2012? Here is my 2012 plan – Second Peter 1:5-8: (I found a free app for my Ipod Touch to help me keep track of my progress:  “Ideal Me Lite.”)

** Faith – I want to be more faithful in studying scripture daily.
** Virtue – Some synonyms are charity, consideration, goodness and kindness. I want to be of more service to those in need.
** Knowledge – I want to continue working towards my Bachelor’s degree.
** Temperence – Another word for temperence can be self-conrol. I want to make exercise a habit, and make the switch from Diet Coke to water.
** Patience – I want to complete another year without hurting any of my teenage children.
** Godliness – I want to draw closer to my Heavenly Father and further develop my gratitude for Jesus Christ by making daily conversation with Them a habit, and meeting my other 2012 goals.
** Brotherly Kindness – I want to see more good, and less bad in those around me.
** Charity – I want to continue paying a regular tithe.

“For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (2 Peter 1:8)

How could 2012 be any better than that?

I’ve been pondering why it is so complicated to simplify one’s life. It seems especially challenging during the Christmas season. We want to give our loved ones all of the gifts we can to express our love, yet our budgets simply do not allow it. (There’s that word again – simply.) How do we simplify Christmas and still keep The Spirit?

One suggestion for Christmas gift buying is to limit yourself to 4 gifts per child, following this rhyme:

Something you want
Something you need
Something to wear, and
Something to read

All four of these gifts can be free, cheap, used, expensive . . . whatever your lifestyle allows. Consider used stores, online auction sites, or trading with a friend for the wants. Electronics, toys, accessories and jewelry can all be found inexpensively. Needs, such as toiletries, socks or school supplies can all be found at discount stores. I think we all know how to use re-sale shops and consignments shops to find things to wear. (Otherwise we’d all be naked!) And I absolutely LOVE used book stores for the read.

The Gift of the Magi is another idea for simplifying gift giving at Christmas time. The Wise Men brought Baby Jesus three gifts, gold, frankincense and myrrh. (Just as an aside: for a fun family night devotional, search the Scriptures to learn how many Wise Men there actually were!) Gold represents something of value. This gift would be something your child would buy if they were spending their own money on it. In other words, this is a “want.” Myrrh is an ointment, so this gift

would be something for the body. Lotion, bath bubbles, or a new hairbrush would fit the bill. Frankincense was used as a burnt offering to God. This gift would be something to strengthen the Spirit – perhaps a new set of Scriptures, or a special book mark for their Bible. By following the example of the Magi, we simplify our gift giving to only three, meaningful gifts.

The most important thing with simplifying gift giving at Christmas is to remember the original gift. The gift of Heavenly Father’s Son, Jesus Christ, to us. All gift giving should be done with the intent to express our love for others, as God expressed His love for us.

Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I have been known to confiscate any toys that were not picked up. The loot was put into storage, and recycled as gifts! Young children forget what they had, so when they get re-gifted in this way, it’s as if they just received something brand new.

If that doesn’t portray me as mean enough, consider this. I used to take all the left-over Halloween candy, put it in the freezer, and then put it in Christmas stockings!! As my teenage daughter would say, “Cheap! OMG! I know, right?!”

Our wedding bell ornaments commemorate our wedding day.

Usually we have a fake tree I picked up the year before we were married, but this year I purchased a live tree. A pretty little Douglas fir. I love the smell! 

I have a rule that there is no Christmas in our house until after Thanksgiving. So this week, on my husband’s days off, I sent him up to the attic to unpack Christmas and the first thing we did was set up the Christmas tree. 

Everyone helps set up the tree. Usually that means putting in and fluffing up the Christmas tree branches. This year it meant unwrapping the tree bindings.

Only Mommy gets to hang up the Christmas tree lights. I think that just came from the fact that my mom always did the lights on our Christmas tree growing up. Now I get to torture my own children by making them watch impatiently while I do the lights. Ha! I wonder if they will torture their own children in the same way. 

Evan's handprint from preschool craft day - a great memory for him to have.

The ornaments on our tree are not fancy-schmancy or matchy-matchy ornaments. They are a huge mix of Christmas ornaments gathered from memorable locations and events of our lives. Each year has at least one ornament – often representing something from that year. A trip we took. A baby born. A hobby. A new job. A passion. A gift. 

My kids love to ask – What does this ornament stand for? Who’s ornament is this one? What does this ornament mean? 

And one day, when they create their own families, we’ll be able to pack up a box of their ornaments. Send them on their way with a box full of tangible memories, confident they won’t suffer the horror of an empty and sparse tree. 

I know that these memories will last a lifetime for my children. I hope that the traditions that we establish – even small little things like a special ornament each year – will give them a sense of family and togetherness. 

Now I’d love to know, how do you spread real cheer with your holiday decorating? Show me with your photos! Click “Add me” in the Cheer Tree below to upload your holiday decorating photos and share them with your Twitter followers and Facebook friends. Be sure to click on “Special Offers” to unwrap the hidden coupons and deals exclusively from Sears. Keep checking throughout the holidays–new deals are unlocked every day! For all your holiday decorating needs and solutions, don’t forget to visit Sears and discover real deals, real cheer!

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Sears. The opinions and text are all mine.