I recently posted a question about what some of the moms here at UTH wanted to here about from dads. One was how dads feel during pregnancy. Generally, we feel pretty good. Our boys are swimming. Girls, too, especially in my case.
Beyond that I had to actually think, how do guys feel during pregnancy, and I could only think of two areas that would matter to women. The first is that men usually don’t think of things until they are faced with them. And sex is still important. Really important. For those interested in the latter part, it didn’t pass the UTH quality standards for good taste and is not included in this piece.
So, before the first thing, I want to clear up why men behave differently than women when it comes to things that are very important to them.
Setting up the Baby’s Room
Our third child was the first I was around for during the pregnancy due to past military deployments. Having always had my wife there to reliably take care of everything, I had no problem with letting things work out like they had before.
She did not feel this way. With three months to go before the baby was born she wanted to set up the nursery, or, really, she wanted me to set it up since I’m home full time.
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On my end, we had three months before the baby was born. What’s the rush? A month later she began to assemble a crib we bought. I stood by and was going to do something else (we had two months before the baby was born) but she let me know that this was very important to her.
I didn’t think it was “very important” to her; I just thought she was doing this well ahead of time. Women need to convey to their men with the exact words “this is very important to me” while they are actually listening for it to get done. If not, things get done later.
For example, I had the paneling mudded and painted in the nursery the week our daughter was born. While this was going on I painted furniture. Then I put up the final touch of a wallpaper border with three days to spare.
The whole time, K wanted it done with three months to go. I didn’t see what the big deal was.
Men Don’t Tend to Think About Things Until They are Faced With Them
As I finished the nursery, my wife also wanted a shelf put up above the changing table. I was happy to paint it and attach brackets, but as I began to hang it (men are visual creatures) it occurred to me that I was about to put a shelf over my baby.
This shelf was going to have diapers, wipes, a spare sheet for the changing table, and who knows what else. I could not do this and my wife was very upset.
“Why didn’t you think of this a month ago when we bought the shelf?” she asked.
“Because,” I said, “I didn’t realize we were going to put a shelf above the baby.”
What I was really saying was that now that I saw it, I was very uncomforatble with the possibility (remote as it was) of the shelf and/or its contents falling on the baby.
I couldn’t see this a month before because I wasn’t actually looking at it.
When it comes to setting up the nest, we think that weeks 1-37 can be better spent not nesting. And when we do, we’ll have to physically see things to see if we’re really okay with them.
…because the baby could be born unexpectedly 12 weeks early. And that is stressful enough without having to worry about no crib for the baby to sleep in when they finally get home.
Also as women we are constantly keeping house & home together. In order to maintain some level of order we need to know (for our peace of mind) that things are getting done so we can check it off our long list!
Besides that when you are having a 3rd child there are just so many demands on your time that when you are asking your man for a simple thing to be done – just do it already! Your wife will be happy to have it done when she has asked you to do it – by the first or second time, that you’ll be happy you did!!! She’s exhausted just by growing a baby & doing her best to take care of you & everyone else that you stepping up to the plate & getting the job done is like giving her a gift! We’re not that hard to please. LISTEN & HELP when asked & you make our lives a little easier, especially when we’re pregnant with YOUR BABY.
Doing a job around the house in a time frame that works for your wife will give you the bonus of having a woman who feels like she & her needs matter to you. And believe it – that those “little things” do not go unnoticed or unappreciated…especially in your situation where you weren’t around for the first 2 bundles of joy to help out & provide your wife with mental, emotional, & physical support!
And as Marla said – some children insist on coming early. A due date is a hypothetical thing – with a prediction that may or may not pan out. So think like a Marine & be prepared for anything!