Taking Time Out—Infant Care is All About Baby

When taking care of my newborn gets overwhelming, I take a short break to unwind.  During the evening, I go to the gym, and with school, I make sure I take at least one class that is offline and face-to-face with other students.

Being home is not so new to me anymore, but being home with an infant is.

Between school, writing, my middle child in pre-Kindergarten, my oldest in 3rd grade, keeping the house from becoming a complete disaster, and keeping my wife happy while she puts in 50-hour weeks, my sanity is sometimes on the back burner.

While this is not unusual, it is also not healthy for anyone. Since I'm the one at home, if I'm not happy, then no one's going to be happy.  Not because I'm a huge jerk—that's purely subjective—but because I won't be able to satisfy everyone for long if I myself am not satisfied.  So, when our new child was born, I had to find ways to stay mentally fit throughout the day.

Exercise is so Good in so Many Ways

During my wife's pregnancy, I gained 15 pounds—and not in a good way.  I'd put off joining a gym because I hate spending money and kept lying to myself about how I could very easily stay in shape at home.

As I became less attractive and my confidence began to stumble, I realized that I'd gone from an NCAA Division I athlete to the awesome warrior I'd become after that to a fat loser only a couple of years later.

My wife said that I needed to join a gym, and I agreed—not just for my health and building myself up to be a more adequate protector of the family, but also for my sanity.

Going to the gym has provided me with a place I can go to alone without feeling as though I'm losing quality time with my family.  It's open every hour of every day, and there's a room where my older children can play and watch television.  After an hour or two, I always feel better, but it's not just the exercise. It's the personal time to myself.

Taking Classes is Good for Me and for My Family

A year ago I took algebra online, like I take most of my courses.  Math is not a subject I'd recommend taking outside of the classroom. So when I had to take a course called Quantitative Analysis, I knew I'd do better offline.

The class ran from 6:00 to 9:00 p.m., getting me out of the house after dinner and back home after the kids were in bed twice a week.

On my way there, I'd listen to the radio and turn off most of my brain, a kind of defragging if you will.  On the way home, I'd talk on the phone with a friend I don't normally get to see, get a few good laughs, and get home before I knew it.

This semester, I'm doing the same thing, and I look forward to it, but not for the class; it's the break that I get to myself that may not come otherwise.

Taking Time Out When the Baby Won't

During our pregnancy, my wife and I attended classes on birthing and newborn care. One thing I remembered, aside from how looking at crowning vaginas on video went from weird to normal in the same day, was a part where one video discussed this very issue I'm talking about here.

It said that if you feel overwhelmed, put the baby down safely and cool off. A few weeks ago, I felt just that way. The baby would fall asleep in my arms and then wake up within a minute or two of when I put her down. Every time. She was not falling asleep. 

My back began to hurt and I was feeling stressed out, so I told her, "I need to go in the other room and just relax for two minutes."

I took a blackberry yogurt out of the fridge and sat in the glider, thinking that in two minutes I'd be better.  Five minutes later, I finished the yogurt while the baby wailed in the other room.  Surprised at how much time had elapsed, I picked her up and found that I didn't feel any better, so I put her down and sat again, feeling terrible for the way she was being neglected.  She needed to be held and had no means of movement outside of her lungs and bowels, and she was using her one means of communication that was supposed to attract me to the best of her ability.

But I sat. I began to fold laundry and decided that when I finsihed it, I could more adequately handle the baby. 

And so, my method to step away at home is to implement a chore until it's finished, whether it's a sink full of dishes, sweeping and vacuuming, or taking a shower.

For the time that the baby may or may not be suffering, she may also be learning to self soothe in the 5 to 15 minutes I take from her.  But, most importantly, when she gets me back a short time later, I'm better than I would have been had I not have taken the break. This goes for time I may spend in a class outside the home when my wife returns from work, an hour or two at the gym, and those days when it's just baby and me. What I've discovered is that although I may feel as though I'm falling short, I know that I'm not falling down. And that is what really counts.