I started reading self-help books nine years ago and have probably read 40-50 titles, some of which I cannot remember, and others I won’t forget anytime soon.
From the pearls of wisdom I’ve come across, there are several books that really made a difference for me, and they were the themes in the following titles:
- Acres of Diamonds
- How to Win Friends and Influence People
- The Five Love Languages
Everything You Need to be Great is Already Within You
Baptist minister and Union soldier, Russell Conwell, is best known for having established Temple University in Philadelphia, PA. The proceeds to found this institution came from a speech he gave titled “Acres of Diamonds.”
The story of Acres of Diamonds begins with a tale of a man who wanted to search the world for diamonds. To fund the project he sold everything he had to include land he owned. As he searched the world he became desperate, then hopeless. In the end he walked into the ocean, never to return.
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Later, the man who purchased the property found while tilling it that the soil had been rich with diamonds. The man who had sold it was so eager to search the world, he neglected to dig in his own back yard.
Conwell’s message is specifically about attaining wealth, but I’ve never taken this to solely mean material wealth. I believe that this is about the search for greatness in which people become the best that they can be and self-actualize.
While, for some, this may involve attending a university for many years and for others it will require years of working many hours each day, the point is that if you are going to nurture and work something or someone in order to achieve greatness, you should be nurturing and working yourself because everything you need is already within you.
Practical People Skills Almost a Century Later
Dale Carnegie is well known today for his courses in public speaking. They have been known to help people overcome fears or challenges in communicating, and Carnegie knew how to give people what they wanted, so it should be no surpirse that while Carnegie passed away in 1955 he is still selling thousands of books every year.
In his best-selling book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Carnegie discusses many important issues in effectively communicating with others. Whether the goal is improving one’s own life, becoming a better leader or writing an effective letter, this book is a great starter for anyone looking to have more friends, or be a better one.
The most valuable thing I have personally taken from this book is that when someone has challeneged me, rather than defending my position I ask them why they think a certain thing about theirs. This is not a tactic to expose how wrong they are (which they may be), but one that helps me understand where they are coming from. It turns a discussion of one point versus another into a search for mutual understanding.
In Love, Communication is Everything
The last book that has had a lasting impact on my life is The Five Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman, which caught me immediately as I was in a relationship that was ending after two and a half years with the question, “why does love end with the honeymoon?”
Dr. Chapman discusses that there are five ways in which people communicate love to one another. They are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Giving and Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
The challenge comes when people communicate love differently. For example, a person who feels fulfilled through quality time will not feel loved in a long distance relationship, regardless of gifts that come in the mail or the kind words spoken over the phone. And a person who needs the closeness of his or her partner may appreciate that the house is clean, but, well, shouldn’t the house be clean anyway?
Regardless of what area you are looking to improve in, these books can make a real difference in your life as they did (and do) mine.
I love Gary Chapman’s book – the Love Languages is really good. They have a version for parents about how to recognize the love languages of your children as well. It was a very good book that I would highly recommend for parents.